This is a weird subject because I have many guy friends who I love in a non sexual way, most of them made when I was younger, but as I’ve grown older I’ve started to wonder whether friendships made now can ever be fully platonic. Obviously there’s people I’ve met and thought, you’re interesting I’d like to spend more time with you, and as a singleton its sometimes difficult to differentiate whether that immediate attraction is platonic or not. How easy is it to just be friends with someone that you have a connection with?
That’s not to say that I don’t think guys and gals can’t be just friends but I’m starting to think that the best opposite sex friendships come from one of the party being unavailable; normally due to already being in a relationship. If I meet a guy and I know he has a girlfriend, all x-rated wonderings are immediately put aside because he’s taken. And oh look, there’s his girlfriend…who turns out to be lovely! What a good couple they are. Good, now that’s out of the way I can carry on talking about music/torrenting/superhero movies to my hearts content without having to be charming in any way.
Now, duplicate said situation. There I am having a nice talk to an interesting guy when somehow it comes up that we’re both single. Suddenly there’s pressure on the situation. Do I now have lipstick on my teeth? I sneezed about four hours ago, I hope some residue hasn’t hardened into some resemblance of a polo. Uh oh, pause in the conversation…I’ve completely forgotten what we were talking about as I was trying to subtly polish my teeth with my tongue. That’s before even deciding whether I fancy him.
On the occasions when I don’t stumble into freak mode, I genuinely don’t realise anything ‘sexy’ is happening until there’s an arm around me or the lean in is already in full swing. That’s distressing in itself because what do you do then? It’s easy to blow off a stranger but if its someone you enjoy hanging out with, who knows your single, and you don’t want to rock that boat…sometimes its easier to just go along with it. Although, in hindsight that never works either. Once someone’s seen you naked, the friendship has changed. It has morphed into something very different. Now if you text saying, ‘fancy chilling later I’m bored’ its read: ‘Booty call’. Once clothes hit the floor, nothing is sacred. In my experience it will rarely return to normality, and on the off-chance it does it’s because your friendship was rock hard at the beginning, or at least one of you has now found themselves a new relationship.
I was talking to a friend recently who has been living in denial at the sheer amount of people trying to get in her pants for a while. Having been in a relationship when the friendships started, and then carrying them on after a split it’s only now that the come-ons are relentless that she has admitted their intentions may be less than honourable. So now she has to decide whether these guys are friends with her based on her personality or on the fact that they wanted to shag her. If it’s the latter, hello fakery.
And then there’s the ‘friends with benefits’ situations, which can genuinely work…if it’s a new friend and all the cards are laid on the table…and you stop soon as it gets too emosh. It seems to get messy when solid friends start fooling around. If its a case of ‘last ones at the party…might as well’…that’s going to be uncomfortable in the morning. If it’s mainly instigated by one person, let the power struggle begin.
It’s just such a hard line to draw back after its been blurred. Even if you’ve accidentally thought of a friend naked, in a dream or a state of loved up festival vibes, that could take a while to shake off. But ultimately friends are people we’ve chosen to represent us to the world. The qualities you admire in them are things that you also see in yourself, and that’s attractive. So I guess its not the maddest thing in the world to consider now and again whether the grass is greener on the other side…
What I wonder is whether all friendships have an underlying attraction and if they do; I hope new friends aren’t made solely to be considered a future bang you’ve already put in work with, because that would be a bit sad.